Hello my lovely people! Because I’m the master at good decisions, I have decided to watch Kingsglaive while drunk. Right now, I’m only tipsy, so I’m prefacing this before I get shitfaced. Yes, I have watched Kingsglaive before, but it was over a year ago, and alcohol has a certain way of me forget certain details. I expect to be shocked and surprised even though I have no real reason to be. Have fun reading this. I don’t know what I’m doing. This seemed fun in pre-retrospect. Note: I do go from making some sense to no sense as I drink more. Spelling errors happened and were not corrected, nor was this post edited to preserve authenticity.
Note: After sobering up, I have not read over this. I also believe this would have been more entertaining as a video, but I won’t be starting my video projects until I’m back in the states with a proper set-up! This was still fun.
Weird mysterious female voice. is she even in the game.
LOL Niflheim. That’s a funny name.
Yeah magic is good in ff games. Always works against technology eventually. I guess. No? No.
GRIEVOUS. sounds like a character’s name. Oh it’s the princess. ok. Makes sense. Dramatic music bc they can’t afford to pay their sound effects people.
Ravus doesn’t look like Ravus. Wow. his mother is a crispy chicken nugget now. Ow. skewered too. Poor bitch.
GENERAL GLAUCOMA, BITCHES.
Attempt on the lives of Lucis Royalty? They failed. They got the Tenebrae ppl instead. Luna looks nothing like she looked in other games???? Why???
Fuck yeah I love this song. Fightin on the Great Wall of China. Where’s Mulan. Yea, boi. You done if they break through that wall. Wtf this is so much more intense than any game or boss fight??? Poor glaives.
Crowe is a boss ass bitch. “But her saying “almost there” sounds like she’s constipated?? Take a laxitive.
How is this fair indeed good sir? OH LOOK THERE IT’S NYX. FUCK ME, DADDY. YAS. NO ONE APPRECIATES YOU LIKE — YES YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT. DADDY NYYYYYX.
We’re not going to last much longer???? Who is we??? You? ok.
Crowe’s badass spell destroys enemies and allies alike.
Woah that was a weird blackout cut to the next scene. IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS? OH YES. ULTIMAAAAA. Also destroying allies and enemies alike. Good job, Crowe & Ultima. You guys should team up to destroy–
THAT GUY JUST GOT EATEN BY CERBERUS WTF???
Looks like Sin and Ultima had a baby. Is that you, Jecht?
“GET BACK HERE ALIVE. FOR HEARTH AND HOME.” As opposed to what good radio sir? “Get back here dead?”
Yas, Nyx, you go get your friend. Screw the orders, I have money.
HOMEBOY CAN TELEPORT. YAS QUEEN.
Where is this taking place? I don’t recall this being in the game of FFXV.
Crowe don’t stand there staring at it. Just run. Oh yay, another jump cut. I guess everyone made it out alive. That guy has a mousy face. He looks like a Hufflepuff traitor.
Did the daemon just disappear? Why is it gone?
You know what, tho. The important people we just got to know made it back alive. I’m glad they followed orders so well. A+++
I may have just tried to turn my volume up and spent a while correcting my remote.
REGISSSSSSSSSSSS. ULTIMATE DADDY. YAS. OH HELL YAS. HE IS A KING YAS HE IS. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. FCK YOU ARDYN. REGISSSSSSSSS. IS STILL THE HOTTEST.
Ardyn has been alive for a long, long, long time. Did he not find fashion sense? He has a fabulous strut, though.
Why does Ardyn want Noctis and Luna to marry tho. Like. this was his idea for this ship to take place. I don’t fcking trust it. He must have known it’d be like a brother marrying his sister. Maybe Ardyn is into that tho.
Ardyn’s smile looks like he just got numbed on one side at the dentist. Does Niflheim have good dentists? i bet so since they specialize in torture methods.
This is 100 years of peace? Um. there aren’t even any cars trying to get in. Nyx is so good at his pokerface. He’s just like “i’m mentally blocked you and i’ll write a blog about it later” wish i was cool enough to —
OHHHH YAS CALLING FOR RAIN. BITCH YAS. I LOVE THIS…. WAIT. WHERE DID IT GO???? THAT WAS SO ANTICLIMATIC.
Crowe has sass and the looks. I wish she was in the main game. Laurientus is me tho. I will happily take those pain meds after having my leg crushed.
HOW DO THEY KNOW THEY’RE OUTSIDERS. I CAN’T TELL. THERE’S NOT EVEN A DIFFERENT ACCENT.
Crowe needs to teach people her hairstyle. That is fab. “Demand MY ASS” … …… I don’t think you want them to demand that, Libertus, but.
Can I marry Regis? I’m going to marry Regis. Token lady on the council. CLARUS WHY DiD YOU NOT GET SCREENTIME AS GLADDY DADDY’S DADDY. …. BUT REGIS. REGIS…. I DON”T CARE IF YOU CAN’T COMMAND THE OLD WALL. JUST LOVE ME. PLEASE LOVE ME. FCKING SEXY ASS MAN KING.
rat’s eye view why???? that was such a weird transition I can’t.
She spoke so fast then slowed down so slow. But nobody is happy about this truce. I can’t blame them. They saw teir ppl die. So I mean, this makes sense????? Crowe, honey, you didn’t fight. You summoned a fire tornado. Talk to Ifrit and Garude and get back to me.
“WHY WOULD THE KING DO THIS I SAY WITH MY MOUTH SLIGHTLY PARTED IN SHOCK?” Laurentus is me tho. I also have no chill and want to not be sober. I feel that. Also, a bit fat. Yeah. It’s me. I admit it. Sob.
That guy doesn’t have natural red hair. Does he think that’s cool? Wow. spitting. Classy.
“I’M NOT GOING TO LET IT END LIKE THIS” ….. This voice acting. Who.
REGISSSSS. AGAIN. Clarus is Regis’s wife because everyone diverts to him. Or husbando. Is Regis a bottom or a top? I dunno.
DON’T GET IN THE VAN. DID YOU NEVER SEE SAFETY VIDEOS AS A CHILD? Crowe is also me. Fuck sappy shit. But I have a bad feeling about this. OH LORD THEY TURNED INTO A SPACESHIP NOW I KNOW WHY.
What kind of elven JRR Tolkein shit is this? With a trenchcoat? IS THAT FUCKING LUNA???? LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HER. WHY, GAME. USE SIMIL——- WTF RAVUS. THOR RIPOFF???? I AM SO CONFUSED. THESE ARE IMPOSTERS. I like her hair braided like tho.
YEAH NIFLHEIM DID KILL HER??? RAVUS YOU SAW THAT?????? HOW DID YOU FORGET? What kind of lameass excuse for a plot is that. “I HATE REGIS BC HE KILLED MY MOTHER” bitch he was 1000 feet from you when that happened.
WOAH NO NOT A BLACK VAN. GIRL WHY ARE YOU JUST WATCHING IT. RUN– I MEAN IT’S SILVER BUT RUN. NO JUST MILDLY CONFUSED?? OK. OK… OKAY!!!
…. Ew…. the emperor of Niflheim could use his technology to imrpove his looks. Aside from Seymour, does any FF villain think about sex AND power or just power? Uh… Choices.
At least there are plenty of other hot men.
SEE I KNEW SOMETHING WOULD GO WRONG. Ook but the car is dope.
That personal escort should stfu. … Okay nvm how he is making that phonecall is everything.
REGIS STOOD UP FOR HER. AND HE LOKS SO HAPPY. With those badly rendered chipmunk teeth of his. NO YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. MR. MAN. LOVE ME.
Nyx is looking at her like she’s the love of his life.
Her duty is her destiny??? Okay so does she love him or no. Idgi.
OH NO. OH NOOO GRAVEARD. I MEAN. JUNKYARD. OMG. NOOO. I AM SCARED. NO NO NO THIS LOW PAN. NOOOOOO OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. NOOO . Oh my god. I need more drink.
Plz just be surgery. Plz. Ohhhhhh nooooooo. That’s. Depressing.
This is what people mean when they say black mages have no mobility in ffxiv.
SHE WAS BETTER THAN A GOOD SOLDIER. EXCUSE YOU. NOW HTERE IS JUST A SHOEBOX. Wtf. Lucis killed Crowe? That’s you, jumping a whole lot of conclusions.
Nyx just took the whole box of googies. Same, bitch. Also i’ve stopped correcting my spelling mistakes bc im two bottle ofs umeshi in. this s when it gets fun
CAUSE BABY YOURE A FIREWOOOOOK
Nyx/Luna is canon guys. Sorry ‘vout it. Oh see, he’s giving her a hair pin. Glauca dont you roll your seyes now. Fuck you and that shitty arcade. Who even goes there anmore. Lame ppl that’s who.
REGIS IS A KIND KING FUCK YOU. The resistance??? there’s 3 people. Okay fourl. I saw the girl.
full moon = luna = symbolism. OH SHIT I WAS ABOUT TO CALL SOMEONE EVIL APPROACHING. DOES SHE GET THROWN OVER THE BALCONY????? I BET SHE DOES. they are mocking her for her ‘beloved noctis’ but do they know she wants to fuck nyx? cause i do. that look she was giving him unf.
day of the signing ceremony? like hewe couldn’t figure thiat one out. k.
all this technology and they still use cars. mmkay. yeah. makes snese. NO PLZ DO NO SHOW HAT GUY IN AN UPCLOSE SHOT AGAIN. HE’S SO UGLY.
REGIS THO. MORE OF THAT PLZ
Okay. they are going in teams. Who is going to make out alive? who knows.
cna you dagger an airship? nyx can. just keep throwing it until you cant no more.
guys this isnt a fun movie to watch drunk. its more fun sober. but drunk this is realy hard. where is my symoblism and shit.
oh there is a guy running afer smth holding onto his aearpiece and CLARUS.
NO EW I DONT NEED TO SEE HIS FACE GORSS
standoff between tow olde men. BUT REGIS IS AT LEAST HOT GUYS OK.
i have a bard feeling when they say she’s unharmed. guysssssss.
epic music. omg regisssssss yaaaaaas. AND ALL HIS GUARD WITH THEIR WEAPONS. THIS IS GONNA END BADLY BUTE
OH NOOOO IT’S ULTROS OH FUCK POOR DUDE. I KINDA LIKED HIM. smoke bomb? that’s amateur. you know what. never trust a treaty. get ouf of the sicty as fast as you guys can.
STABBING IN THE BACK LITERALLY. that’s classsy af. yes great plan to kill the oracle. i thought ardyn needed her? um. so. yes or no.
i could have played my otome game but ilu you guys and dideceded to watch this drunk are you happy with me yet? am i doing good? better than insomnia at least. HAHAHAHAH. jk i haeve insomnia. Its bad. i need to shower. i wanna be snufggle in my bed.
NO I DONT NEED AN UPCLOSE OF HIS FACE. EW.
WOAH NYX YAS SNAP HIS NECK. BBY BOY. YOU GOT IT.
YAS FIREBALL DUDE. YAAAAAAAAAAAS. ILU. YOU DID IT ALL FOR A GOOD CAUSE. YOUGO GLENCOCO.
see luna deserved this is the game. she is being badass here. not even phased by ultros.
ravus why are you so happy??? niflheim KILLED YOUR MOTHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT. its ok you got redemption with a better haircut and all in the game.
CLARUS AND REGIS. OMG. I AM GIONG TO CRY. FUCK YOU GENERAL. GLAUCA. you know i know that that one dude was glauce but im always so surprised when i watch this even tho ive seen this sober. never drunk. im alwas surprised by what happens next.
LUNA RUN. JUMP. YAS. GUY DESERVED TO BE KNOCKED OFF AND TENCLE HENTAISD BY ULTROS.
OH GOD HE WON’T ABANDON HIS KING. CLARUSSSSSSS. SOB. SOOOOOB. GLADIO WOULDN’T EITHER. BAE. PRECIOUS BEB.
nyx is frustrated by her princess act but they are both more similar than they think and they would make beautiful babies.
NO CLARUS NO NO NO NO NO NO NON ONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONOONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOOOO H FUCK NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
FUCK YOU NIFLHEIM. NO NO NONONONONONONONONONO.
FUCK YOU ODL DUDE. ARDYN NO.
I NEED MORE ALCOHOL.
Nyx is perfect for her. Let them be happy. Please.
wtf why are they killing civilians liek this? don’t they want to rule people. ok.
REGISSSSSSSSSSS NO BBY. Ravus and Glauca fuck you both. Ravus deserved to lose that arm even if he redeemed himself later. ppl forget aobut all this shit.
yas reeeeegis. with that thundara. i seee you bby.
Regis? you gave over your ring? no. No. My heart is going to hurt so hard. NO. I CANT TAKE THIS. NO. BITCH DON’T JUST STAND THERE HE TOLD YOU WANT TO DO. But tbh, I’d be trying to drag him with me. A man that handsome carnt die.
NO GUYS DON’T STAND THERE. I DON’TWANT TO SEE THIS. NO NO NO NO. Thundga the fuck out of him. I hat ehim. No. Regis…………….
NO NO NO NO NO HE WAS SHAKING HIS HEAD. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NONONO IT WAS STABBED IN AGAIN. I HAT ETHIS. I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. REGIS NO. MY LOVE. COME BACK TO ME. DON’T YOU DARE— YOU PUSHED HIM OVER?!?!?!?!?!?! FUCK YOU. I HOPE THAT RABID RACCOONS CHEW OFF YOUR TOES AND YOUR FACE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
ok but there is a cool car at least?
“we’re free of the empire. he promises.” … who promised. uh.
Luna and Nyx shifting places while driving takes skill. oh god he doesn’t have his power. … it’s the fake red head come back when you really don’t have a soul you fake bastard.
OH HEY IT’S CASUALLY RACIST COP DUDE IN A TRUCK SUDDENLY UTRNED GOOD BYE. could have been anyone else could ya. nope. you know, maybe it’s good he had a moment o fredemption idk.
idk but that car is well built as fuck for them not to have been injured. DRIVING DOWN A BUILDING- go you, Nyx. that takes skill i’d guess.
Is it already nighttime? i just noticed. Hidin in an old office building is so romantic. Especially when there are monsters rying to chase you.BUT HEY HE FIGURED OUT THE HAIR CLIIP SO KUDO TO HIM.
Again, why are they trying ot kill Luna right now? isn’t he death pretty panned out by aArdyn in the game. He has had aso many years to plan this. —-
LUNA YAS GOOD IDEA THROWING IT INTO THE SPACE SHIP. THAT’S MY GIRL. YOU ARE LOVED.
FOR HEATH AND HOME. LAURIENTUS ISN’T AS DUMB AS HE LOOKS. yet he isnt i nthe game go figure right? prob bc he is addicted to those pills now. it’s ok. not ragging on him. i get it 110%
Damn Nyx got shot and for what? Following orders? Did they never ask him where his allegiance lies or tell him he could change sides? WOW BASTARD. YOU KILLED CROWE. RIGHT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU SO HARD. OR DON’T> DIE A VRIGIN YOU LOWLIFE.
Yeah, feign concern you cuntmonkey.
You know, kudos for Luna for fast thinking. Telling him about the ring’s power. But he fell for it so lol..
YAS HE IS BURNING. BURNINGGGG. THAT BOY IS ON FIREEE. And that man is ran over with a car. Yas. How did he transform like a power ranger tho? I wanna know that. Magiteck? Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Nyx manages to be sassy in the face of pain. I love it. Queen, yas. Get that power.
But fuck these kings of lucis am i right? “oh, our city is being destroyed but hey. cool. let’s try to kill this guy who wants to help. All because he doesn’t have royal blood? Arydn is right hat they are dicks. Harcore. Maybe we have been batting for the wrong team.
I HEAR REGIST. REGISSSSS. YOUNG KING? NO. HE WAS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO GAVE
THEY ARE NOT KINGS. THEY ARE DICKS OF THE HIGHEST CALIBUR. NYX IS BEING THE BADDEST BADD ASS EVER. I mean, i love me noctis. i am noctis and apparently laurentius. but nyx is more worthy. sorry bout it.
jesse pinkman doesn’t give a shit. YAS KILL THAT BASTARD NYX YOU GOT THE POWER. DO A TRANSFORMATION.
you know, luna’s allegieance is to the king. maybe her allegiance is to him. that would be cool.
also i took a shower to sober up. did that help? probably not. i still have a swig left. Should i do it?
HE GAVE HER A RING. “GOING TO THE CHAPEL AND WE’REEEE GONNA GET MARRIIIIIEEEEED.” Plz just marry him Luna. Plz. Make this gay little heart flutter.
These pants are soft. I bought them in December and never wore them. I’m so mad at myself bc damn they’re nice.
OH FIGHT SCENES ARE GONNA BE GOING DOWN NOW.
you know, i was always hoping i could beat the shit out of glauca in ffxv. but nyx already got him. idk. this movie could have been a story of its own in the ff verse. didn’t have to be ted in. noctis could have had his roadtrip and nyx and luna could have gotten married and i could have shacked up with regis. that would hve been chill, right?
can you imagine that regis used to do the moves like nyx? I can.
i like these fighting statues tho. they’re baddass as fuuuuuuuck.
arydn bplease open your mouth when you speak or else you look like you’re holding in some willy wonka gumblaslls and that’s not cute.
tonight, i feel ths rage of the old wall dude who is beating up a ship despite losing his arm. that’s me, too. god. i’m just a clusterfuck of characters.
i like the queen of lucis tho. she has style. bitch yas.
that must feel badass to punch an ultma weapon in the face.
again, you are taking over the city yet you don’t think to, i don’t know, not destroy it. oh war, never change
wait wait wait. you don’t fault the empire for killing your people you fault the man who gave it to them?? why not both??? LOLOLOLOL ok. some people.
“FLOOR IT” says every action hero ever. glauca was treally trying to stop them tho. oh also. his name was drautos. sounds like an evil guy’s name. how did they not know?
oh symbolism. everyone’s about to die.
sound effects guy is back at the end of the movie with sound effects despite the music. thank you, sound effects dude. you help so much.
these editors need to find a better transition than fade out/fade in.
Glauca… stop crying. you killed people trying to help.
Nyx uses Firaga. It’s super effective.
They’ve been driving for about 8 hours now??? i can get to the beach within 4??? and it’s not just a city??? ok.
nyx is still trying to talk sense into a dying man. lol. nyx. let it go. let it gooooo can’t hold it back anyoreeeee. let your skin… melt awayyyyyy like ashes in the wiiiiiiiind!!! ~~~~~
and laurentus makes a vallient effort of hitting on the girl. valliant? valiant?that’s what i meant. yeeee.
I wonder where she gets a change of clothes for the start of the story tho. Girl is gorgeous.
Also does she think that she can just walk out of insomnia dressed like that nad no no one will notice? brah.
“me and nyx will be waiting for ya!” —- SOBBBBBBBBBB NO YOU TWO WANT. we will never see either of you again after this movie. well. nyx’s body will be strung up by ardyn for some reason. i guess he wants to have a corpse party.
…………. the end.
you guys are welcome. i’m going to brush my teeth and pass tf out now. BYEEEE.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCES?
should i do this again for advent children? was there any substance to be had here? was i just annoying? Was it entertaining? i don’t know, but you can Let me know. And be nice (i’m a sensitive soul!)
ALL GIFS FOUND ON THE GIPHY PLUGIN OR THROUGH GOOGLE.